Meant to be…
The best asset that I had inherited from my parents had always been books. I had an intimate relationship with books. They just let me evolve with new endeavours every time I open a new book. Sometimes I just indulge in contemplation, of how great life would be if it all happened just like the printed words. Aren’t we all got instantly traumatised watching “Ink heart?” Well, except for the fact it’s ‘not’ a rom-com we would definitely want such amusement to happen in our lives.
Well, I had not been reading “The Notebook” to love such amusements but Chemistry and Maths books that made me want to hate my life. It was hard to attain 197+ cut of when you were in love. Well in my case, a disaster. Why because, even that ‘vampire series’ sounded better than my love story. When one narrates his/her love story, it should make the listener awestruck; making him jealous that he wants to fall in that “not so cool as it may sound” pit too. My love icons have always been the Obamas. How loving and supportive they have been in each other’s lives? They stood together when they had nothing and when they have everything, they are embracing it together. Wouldn’t we all at some point in life wish for love like theirs? At least I did. Well sometimes I just wished to think and aim beyond my own grounds like Bangalore, Christ University, and triple major. Wouldn’t that have been awesome and the best way to let go the past; new environment, new people and a whole new city. I was already excited but my parents? They wanted me to become an IRS but pursue Engineering first and that too in Chennai. Satan was inside my house and I was rather safe outside! I knew that he was in Chennai and about Riya, only through the Instagram. I had lost contact with Bhuvaneshwar and Suhail, his friends. I was not intending to get trapped in Chennai in the name of higher studies, not even in my wildest dreams.
I was just 14 hours from the results being announced. was I nervous? Well, hell yes. It was nerve wrecking. Unlike last time, he wouldn’t be able to check my results, well he wouldn’t have checked last time too. Who knows, maybe he did, maybe he didn’t. He might not even remember me. I couldn’t actually forget him. Everything that I saw, that was concrete and not so concrete reminded me of him. The mall, parking lot, my scooter, Shawn Mendes’ music, the maestro’s melodies, and “Thallipoagthe” man what a great song that was. The fact that I wasn’t fond of it listening to the starting bit and loved it when I listened to the whole song proved how impatient I am. We were both online and had played the song together. I really didn’t like the starting bits and told him that I didn’t like it but he said, “Shut up and listen”. Well I did the same; I had to listen to him, to his words for he was important to me. Since then, the song become “our song” like it was meant to us. It was 2015 and it’s been 2 years since that had happened. Nowadays when I listen to it in the TV or on air or anywhere I just frown. Time does change people and their perception on things and at times, even on people! I actually did consider myself lucky to have had him in my life ad I thought that one day, he’ll be mine and I’ll be his.
“Shaina, if you want, I can help”
“Don’t you even dream about it! I’m never coming to you to learn, even if my Dad appoints you as my tutor.”
“Wouldn’t it be funny if I was your tutor?”
I just wanted to understand the concepts and the rest I can follow.
“Will it be okay if I voice mailed you the concepts and the rest I know that you can follow”
“Really, well someone’s got brains”
“Shaina if you had it why would you need my favour?”
That’s it, he hurt my ego.
“I don’t need your help Sridev; I will figure it out on my own”, I said with huge egoistic anger.
“Shaina, don’t be so egoistic with me, spill the email id”
“firstname.lastname@example.org”, I didn’t look at him while I said this.
“Oh wait, I can’t send voice messages in email, it’ll be tough attaching those files”
“So, I’m clueless then”
“Or you can give me your whatsapp number and I could easily send voice messages there, don’t you think?”
He was that cheesy and smart and I was that dumb to fall for his every smart missions. He irritated me as well, with that one habit of his that I always got furious with, he always used to pull the ribbons off my plaits and I had to buy a new one every week. I didn’t know what he did with all those, that stupid guy. But, how idiotic I must have been to fall for that stupid guy? 78 out of 100 voice messages would not be about maths, but it depicted our Chemistry. But with the rest 22, he made me understand, understand the topic; Chemistry! Umm, I meant the subject.
It’s 10 AM and the results are out, I have scored really well. My cut of is 198. I am shook. And I’m kind of proud too because, I pulled this off with such mental-stress. Appa is happy, and so is Amma. Appa was calling all his friends and advertising like any father would do, that I have scored good marks. Relatives are all happy that for the next few years I will be the hot topic in all the chats in the family functions.
Dad had got me an application from PSG, Krishna, Mahalingam and other Engineering colleges while I wanted to do a non-complex degree in Bangalore. My parents were so certain in voting “No” for Bangalore because of the cultural degradation but for me, it’s all within us to give in to that hazardous environment or to come out of it in style. I had always loved the city not just because I watched “Bangalore Days” but for its heritage. I and Sara had been planning to attend the same college no matter what. Sona was definitely getting into PSG, and well the next day Sara, I and Dad will be heading to Chennai, after a month of argument that I won’t be studying in Chennai to which they didn’t lend their ears or their time.
The clouds were clear that day, the sun was shining and so would she be. Result had got out yesterday and I was sure that she would have score good grades but the fact that she ‘kills’ maths terrified me. That Kola bear would have forgotten me long ago. I knew how egoistic she was and how much she hated me all these times. It had been two damn years and it had gone by too soon. I was in the second year and the college ‘didn’t actually come under my control. Well, when my heart was not under my control, when my mind was wandering as it liked; how the hell would a college will, consisting 5000 students be under my spell?
It was June and it was still firing. It was like I wa going to melt in the summer and become a dwarf. Going to the college in the super-hot summer was becoming a difficult task each and every time. Even the petrol in the vehicle would evaporate because of the heat.
“Ma, I need another Dosa”
“Will it reach your plate flying?”
I went into the kitchen embarrassed, after Mom’s words but demanded a half-boiled egg without being broken as a “premium” for studying something that I totally hated.
“Ma, why isn’t she doing anything? You should teacher her household chores Mum”, I said to irritate Arathana who had been acting like she was asleep till then because Mum would ask her to do things. She got up hurriedly and started to battle with me. We were literally fighting and she was so competitive that I had to gulp my Omelette and rush off the house. Sisters!
Ragu and I were now regularly on bike to the college, we ditched the bus. We were stuck in the traffic, maybe I should have rushed. But I was discussing with Ragu how Riya had become a pain in the back nowadays with her, treating me like she would treat a boyfriend. She was constantly telling me what to do and what not to do and I thought she was on this strange bet with someone to take me off the track of cinema, which I extremely hated. I was literally lamenting to Ragu and he was laughing. We were in the signal waiting for the light to turn green. “Thallipogathe” was on the radio in the car just beside me. Listening to the song, I thought about her, obviously. I didn’t know where and how she was, but right that instant if I could see her, I’ll play this song and the song alone and the pain in my eyes, would convey enough of what I was intending to say. ‘Ah man, teenage was awesome; no complications, no burdens and certainly zero maturity to think of it all’ I suddenly thought to myself.
Suddenly the song turned off. I was upset for a second but I was not supposed to show it after all, it was someone’s car.
“Shaina, why did you turn off the song? Please put it on” asked, someone from the car.
I could hear it, so could everyone in here. Seemed like they too liked the song, how tasteless she must be. Wait, Shaina? With some sort of extreme ecstasy in the heart and suddenly rooted hope in the eyes, I turned to the side with the same love that I had for her that night, at that party. She was in the front seat. She turned back and gave a harsh glare at her friend. And suddenly she looked at me and turned like a flash after nearly staring at each other for over two minutes. Our eyes met, after two whole years. Seeing her, looking at her was like a dream come true. To look at her in person and to have a peek at her chubby pink cheeks and that coarse hair which was neatly combed, all over again felt so good. And she changed her specs. She had lost weight; I could see that in her face. She must have worked hard; it was obvious in her dark circles.
She was panting after seeing me; the glass had her breath tracks evaporated all over it. She must have be nervous, well so was I and happy and glad that she was here. Her Mum and brother were not with her so this visit was for her college counselling. The very sight of her was feeling like everything was fast revered to the night at that party. Wouldn’t it be awesome if I could do that? She must have be happy too, to see me.
“Shaina, you used to love this song, what happened now?” asked her father,
“Put it back on”, argued her friend whose name I was unaware of.
“I don’t love it anymore Dad, I hate it” she said looking right into my eyes, she said this to me, in response to my unasked questions. She then laid her head on the door, her eyes closed. I was hurt and furious at the same time. I was so curious that I wanted to get her out of the car and shout at her that I loved her that I had always loved her. Right from the moment we accidentally exchanged that CD, from throwing the threads in exam hall, from following her to her house that night, to seeing her accept a rose from a stranger, who was supposedly not a stranger as I thought to be, till the very moment where I saw her right in front of me, hurt and disappointed, I loved her.
I was so hurt that tears rushed in my eyes, I looked at her, she suddenly lifted up and looked at me, her eyes were moist too. She stared at me for 20 seconds straight; it felt like twenty damn years. She just poured everything through this 20 second stare everything, how much she loved me, how much she was hurt and how hurt she was right that moment. Where was she heading? Did her Dad get any transfer? was she going to study in Chennai? I had a lot of questions in my mind. But for then, I just followed her. I needed to know where she was heading. Her tears proved that she was real, how could I miss someone like her in my life? I wouldn’t certainly get another Kola bear from Coimbatore who steals my heart completely, everytime.
Cupid was not drunk at that time, he must have been high.
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Posted in: Love, Novel