Meant to be…

The real love story of the unreal 21^st century!

By, Veera.

With all the contemplation, regrets and impossible longings to search for a possibility,  to find a way to be with her; had hurt me allover again. To even think of at least seeing her one more time hurt me and made me wonder.
Wonder who would that guy be who was with her that night, why was she smiling at him with all her heart while I should have been the one who must’ve been the one who caused that graceful, sweet, alluring smile. Why was he holding her hand; while it should have been me, who felt and enjoyed the tenderness of her pale, soft skin because I thought she was special only to me. Her hands were too soft not that she was naturally like that but as she was an indolent girl, not doing any household chores, she was one hell of a Dad’s princess. Though I had known that the wondering would not change anything I still wondered, ‘What if she had her side of the story on what happened’. I had only known her for 3 months then, but I didn’t know what made me feel that she was the one. But I certainly knew that I was sure in my decision, that I was deeply, madly and stupidly in love with her. And I knew she was too. When Suhail asked why I was so crazy about her, I just could not answer. I could not put the finger on it but I just was in love, as simple as that. And to convince him I had said,                                 

“When a person loves you dearly but struggles to tell you why they love you, then I think it is true love. Because when one loves you not for the personality or beauty or money then that’s real love. Love does not come with conditions; it does not come with terms. When it hits you, you will fall for it no matter how big or strong you are.  When you are madly in love with someone, you will find utmost pleasure in their smile not in their body; you will find an electric energy passing through your spine just by holding their hand and not by making love. That’s real love and that is how I feel about Shaina, I do not know why I love her I just simply do.’

 

He was moved by the answer, I must say. And going down the memory lane made me miss her but I certainly do not know what I missed exactly; her coarse hair or her terrible driving skills or her idiotic but too sweet talks. I guess I just missed all of her. I never thought that I would ever fall for a nerd, to be honest. I got to see many women in a day but whoever I saw, I wished that they were her. Women there in Chennai had spa conditioned, blow dried, shiny hair but I’d rather loved her coarse plaits. Many women were tall, perfectly matching to my height but I found my dwarf cute. I could even find the next Celine Dion but I was so damn into her voice, that quirky and caring voice.

She is my New York in the midst of Sahara. She has that light, hope, desire and she fancies me and it feels as though she is so far away like the stars that we can only admire but cannot near.

She gave me a belief and some sort of pure happiness and peace in those 3 months. Though we had held hands only once, though we rarely spent time alone, though we never talked for hours in the phone and though we never gifted each other nor have we exchanged some notes or letters, still she was mine and I was hers or so I thought! I was about to tell how I felt about her and despite the Chennai plans but then I saw her expressing that explicit smile to someone else, holding someone else’s hands, and that crushed my heart. I was devastated.
When I had thought of all that,  when it was almost nearing a year since  I had met her, was simply carving  the scar deeper and deeper.
‘Maybe I am being silly, maybe I am the only one who felt that way, and maybe I am the only
one who is lamenting for the separation’ I had thought inspite of having had a tiny hope on our love somewhere round the corner, in the bloody heart.

 

Chennai was vast and exhilarating but it seemed as though it’s charm was insufficient for me to avert her memories. It was November then, and the next month it will mark 1 year from the day that I  had met her. God! I really wished I had never gone to Brooks, and ut was not the only time that I had wished that way.

I expected Chennai to be hot always, it turned out to be the opposite. Weather was too cold and so was my heart. It was getting tougher and tougher to get ready early in the mornings in the terribly cold mornings. I wish I had been in hostel; it would have been much easier.

Every 8.00 AM of my Engineering life.

‘Sri, come on get up at once now!!!’

‘Ma, he gets up late every day and you don’t pester him to be early as you do to me and that’s unfair mum.’

‘Arathana stop complaining already.’

‘Ma, maybe we should shift near my college so that it would be easy for me and for you,’ I  had said in a drowsy voice.

‘Yes then I would have to get out of the house at 7 to reach my school’, said Arathana in despair.

‘Huh! Why would God punish me by giving a sister like you that I never wised for?’ I exclaimed with exasperation.

 ‘Ha! I thought that you had no faith in God’ she said in extreme happiness that she had made her point.

We both laughed for a moment for our silly ‘word war’. I no longer carry the lunch as I realised on our first day that it was not necessary and obviously not stylish. I had my lunches in the Canteen with Ragu and the new friends that we made, Pragathi, Shiva, Bala, Ganesh and Riya.
Yes Riya, it seemed that the rumors are real. She did have a crush on me. Well, who would not when you have a 6 feet prince charming in your class? Huh, Shaina didn’t! But Riya seemed to be crazy and serious.

She had been constantly trying to make an impression. I had no idea on  how I would tell her that she was not the one, and that I have lost hope in love and I will probably never, ever, dare to fall for anyone ever again?

I was annoyed. Probably it was her first love and that was why she seemed so serious. It had been five months since the college started and every day she made an attempt and did everything to make me ‘like’ her.

She even tried learning photography just to impress me but her pictures were terrible. But she tried and I had liked that in her. I was clear with my decisions, I could not move on completely from Shaina when I was not ready. I did not know what she was going to speak now, I was annoyed and was enjoyed the attention, at the same time. Every day after the classes, Riya spoke to me and it had become a ritual soon.

‘Hi Sri!’

I  had pretended that I did not notice her, the entire time while the Python class was going on and so nonchalantly I had replied

‘Hey Riya! Didn’t realize that you were waiting , so whats up?’

‘Sri, you were so keen listening the lecture today in the Chemistry class. And you were also attentive in Python too and you even scored good marks in the internals. So I wondered , would you mind tutoring me because I’m really bad in both the subjects that I really failed in the internals’, I had to stop her before she continued. I knew the pain of losing someone and so I did not want her to indulge herself in that hell. I needed to make sure that she never had me, to lose me.

‘Riya, listen to me now clearly, I know your intentions and I do know that you scored State first mark in 12th grade. You have these feelings for me but I’m not ready for a relationships right this moment. So please change your mind and concentrate on studies’

‘No, Sridev that is not as simple as you just said. I don’t think that I can forget you, you don’t seem to understand my seriousness’, I had started to tremble on seeing her tears but I knew that I couldn’t do this.

‘Riya you do not understand my situation, you should rather move on with your studies’, my voice finally became hard.

‘I completely understand what you have been and going through and I know about your past nightmare, Shaina’, my heart stopped for a second.

‘How the hell do you know about Shaina? ’, I could not control the anger in my voice anymore.

‘It is not important how I came to know about her, what is important is that you should move on from that cheater.’ She has no idea on what she is speaking, she is just rambling out of the pain of rejection.

‘Stop it now, no more words about Shaina!’

‘No, why should I? You are wasting your time thinking about that cheater, she is a slut! You should move on’

I just slapped her so hard. I see that her face had turned red, her eyes were flooded with tears and she started weeping in utter disappointment and disbelief. She covered her red cheeks which almost had my finger prints on it, tears rolled down her cheeks like monsoon rain that had flooded a falls.
I felt so awful for having assaulted a woman and my Mom would not be proud of me if she knew this nor would be Shaina.
I could not control the rage when she verbally abused Shaina. I just could not take that. I took a deep breath before I said the next words.

“Riya, you have no idea how much Shaina means to me. I know that we are not together but that does not mean that I should move on with another girl. I can move on or I can just stay happy with myself and it’s my decision to make not yours, not anyone’s just MINE. I don’t feel anything more than a concern on a good friend for you. You are pretty, smart and you are from a well to do family, you should be happy with your life. Trust me you don’t have to have this pain. Just concentrate on Engineering and everything will be fine. I won’t be telling this to anyone and you don’t have to worry about that’

She was weeping while I uttered those words to her, while my embaressed profile was downcast. And she finally left. I had felt terrible for I had slaped her. I felt outraged with her choice of words that she had used on Shaina. Riya was a good friend but then, she was not. I would never forgive her for what she had just done. I was certainly not in the mood to go back home. I headed to the beach.

Spending time with ourselves is as important as being with the family, it replenishes you. And I strongly believed in this mantra and I still do.

The salty breeze soothed my heart, the crude texture of the sand calmed me, the buzzing song of Chennai delicated my thoughts.

As much as I was fed up with Riya, I was equally annoyed with Bhuvi. Why did he tell Riya about Shaina? I trusted him, and I was disappointed. ‘Sometimes I don’t understand people, why are they so complicated?’ And I wondered, why I had got so furious when Riya said such things about Shaina, she was not with me anymore, she never was. She had never loved me, she probably never had felt the same for me ever and then, I was worrying for a girl who literally betrayed me, who had broken my heart into pieces.

My head had never hurt like that before, even the headache reminded  me of her. Sometimes she had terrible headaches when she was stressed. It hurt her so much that sometimes she would cry; I could not bear seeing her in tears. I could literally see her pain through her face. Once when we were leaving the school together, she suddenly fell on the ground and she started sobbing. I was laughing at her until I saw the pain in her face. Then I figured that she was stressed out entire week because of her grandfather’s passing which troubled had her so much. On that day, I held her hand so tightly until her pain was gone.
‘What if she had that headache now, just because I left her without even caring to tell her that I’m getting away from her? What if her headache got worse than before and I’m obviously not there to tell that it was going to be okay, who is going to comfort her?’ I used to think and fall in the deep valley of melancholy. It was so stupid of us, it would have taken only an afternoon to meet her, to clear the mess that we had created, to finally say the worlds. But we never thought of that. It was so stupid of me actually, I should’ve taken the initiative, I should’ve pursued her. If I had slaped that guy at the party, and asked what was going on, I would’ve got an answer. But then I didn’t do it.

I wonder at the world and its sky,

Seeking the answers for my sigh;

Hoping for the wound to heal,

Cruel wounds of love that I won’t feel.

She has made deep imprints

That I can write in scripts.

The nightingale refuses to sing to me;

Oh! There is no way to escape from this agony.

 I’m lamenting for the one gone,

Wondering if she too was in thrall

And to strike a pause at my wondering and puzzled contemplation, my phone rang. It was Bhuvi. I did not intend to talk to him right away and thus I had hung up the call. He had been calling again and  again; I was not answering.  And again, he kept calling and I’d show some mercy then. I picked up the call and I could immediately sense the exhaustion in his voice, he was literally gasping. ‘What could be the issue? Did my Mom find out that I’m in the beach and not in home?’ I had thought. 

And then he said,

“Sri wherever you are rush to GH now, Riya has consumed poison”

 

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**© V.Shilpa and https://shilpasrecitals.com/, [2020]. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to V.Shilpa and https://shilpasrecitals.com/ with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.**

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Meant to be…

The real love story of the unreal 21st century!

By, Veera.

Chapter 11 The Seasons

July rain had me as it’s captive. I had never enjoyed or had the sense to enjoy the beauty in the simplest things. But then, I was gald to be the rain’s captive; of its charm, its magnificence and beauty. I had been drained in the beauty of the rain, its breeze and all of a sudden, I realise that we all admired the darkness only when it was cloud’s guest. When I saw and thought of the clouds, I thought of her. She was just like the rain. She was magical but alluring, unpredictable but hopeful.

She held her emotions deep in her heart just like the clouds. Once her heart couldn’t hold the feelings any longer, she just poured down the emotions. Without her I was the desert that incessantly longed for the rain which subconsciously forgot that it was meant to be like that; dry and lifeless. I already had the contemplation that love would be a ‘luxury’ for me and then it at last seemed to be true. I should’ve rather concentrated on Engineering.

I was 24 hours away from the first day of college. It had been 2 months since I had left Coimbatore. Chennai seemed to be welcoming in all aspects. And Chennai taught me that in order to let go of a fond memory, of a person or a thing; you had to stay distracted and busy. And so I had started playing cricket to keep me occupied. I finally indulged myself in a sport, I had made new friends and had met many people. Chennai kept me going when I was struggling to find a way. Chennai was mysterious to me to be honest. The culture beguiled me and it was not just Chennai Tamizhan but people from all the districts were there. There existed so many different dialects in practise but of course, “Chennai Tamizh” had always stood out. My team captain Ragu became one of my closest mates and all his friends were now my friends too. He had also enrolled himself in SNN and he had opted Civil Engineering too. We were planning to join the college cricket team soon. I was quite happy to have a friend already.

Having a friend before you enter a new place is a mixed felling of security and ecstasy.

July 7

Well, my life as an Engineer officially began. I was quite nervous-anxious on how it was going to be. I wanted to pursue Visual Communication but I had joined Civil Engineering just because of my parents. I could see the pride and emotion in the eyes of my Mum and Dad. I knew that my Mum, she loved me. My Dad was emotional too and that was something fishy, maybe it was probably because I learnt to play Cricket that he finally thought that I was worthy of something. The college was “just” 48 km away from our residence. Well I hoped all Engineering colleges had the same issue. They were all built in the outskirts of the cities and every Engineering student either had stayed in a hostel or had to travel in a bus for almost 3 hours a day. Mum had already packed my lunch and they seemed to be standing there awaiting the moment to bless their son who was venturing into the new journey that he obviously didn’t wish for. But I had other ideas. I didn’t believe in luck, blessings or God. All that I had believe in, was myself and my strength. I bid them “peace” and then I had left in style while Ragu joint me on the way. Suhail was pursuing B.sc Visual Communication in Hyderabad and Braga is pursuing Bsc Viscom in Loyala. Atleast I had Braga with me in Chennai but Suhail had promised to visit me ‘every now and then’. The College seemed to be ‘Lit’ and the culture was at its finest form. People socialized very easily. And my classroom was the exact opposite of what I had always imagined. The benches and rows were neatly set, books that were as big as me and lectures that were exacty like Newton’s most creepy law’s explanation. I was trying my best to like what was learning but I was rather getting used to it.

“Life is not fair to us everytime afterall”

Somehow I had managed to cross 3 months. Since the college reopened, there had been a rumour mongering about a girl named Riya who was happened to be my classmate and Ragu’s cousin. Everyone of my friends said that she had a crush on me. But I didn’t care about her. Ragu even asked me about that but I had been telling him that I had been ignoring the rumor and her. Well Riya was really a beautiful girl I literally got to see her everyday. But I didn’t think that I was completely out of Shaina’s memories. I had the rest of 4 years to think over it and when I’d feel that I was ready, ‘maybe I’ll commit to her’ I thought.

“Who knows what life has for us in hold ?”

I heard that it had been raining there in Chennai. But surprisingly it was not in Coimbatore. The sun was shining so brightly that it hurt so much to even look at it. Sometimes we all just wish for the Sun to disappear and for the clouds to be dull. But at the same time we ought to realise that without the Sun, we cannot start the day. Without the Sun the plants cannot perform their photosynthesis. Without the Sun the Flowers would not bloom. Without the Sun the seeds would not rise from the Land.

‘Maybe he is just like the Sun’.

He was inevitable, unignorable and painful at the same time. To be honest I didn’t think that I couldn’t survive without the Sun afterall. I needed my vit D, don’t you think ?

I was in my 11th grade then. Computer Science was something that I had always loved. Machines amused me because they were less complicated than humans. HTML and C++ and Java had excited me on a whole new level. I could create a new app through that. I could even learn to code. I could become the Superwoman who topped every men out there by becoming the only superior coder. Well, that again exhibited my ego there, I always wanted to be at the top. It had been 4 damn months and I hadn’t heard anything from him or about him. And I did realise that thinking about him would only make me avert from my dream of becoming a Superwoman. I thought that I was absolutely practical and I should never intervene my personal life in my professional life. But Sridev and his memories were haunting me, wanting to know if I should wait or let go. Letting go was not that easy. Afterall I was really the worst at letting poeple go and their memories because I liked to cling onto the beautiful memories a little longer.

“Oh Sun! Don’t you take adieu?

Show mercy on us before its over due,

Take a little time to rest yourself form the awry days;

While I dream about my lost love with the murky rays.

Oh Sun! Now come back again !

Don’t you too leave me with this atrocious pain,

The roses in the garden would not bloom;

For your beautiful glow is better than the gloom.

It took time for me to realise,

That my lover can never contest Lonchinvar.

Now Sun don’t you too abandon me,

For I donot intend on being forgotten again.”

I was not one of those girls who cried because of her first love had failed…. Well perhaps I was, but I was going to wait for him with all my heart that one day or another he would come for me….. if my love for him was as clear and pure as the water of Ganges. Like someone had said,

Waiting is a sweet pain.

Well, it was definitely a pain but I’m quite unsure of it being ‘sweet’, that is ridiculous.

I even have read in the Bible about the great man of God, Israel. He awaited for fourteen years, and worked in his Uncle’s farm to earn his love. To earn the consent of his Uncle, to take his daughter Rachel’s hand in marriage. A man and a woman waited for ‘fourteen’ years to be together.

I didn’t think that I could forget the guy ever in my life but, I intended on waiting. Wait till the Cupid gives him back to me.

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**© V.Shilpa and https://shilpasrecitals.com/, [2020]. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to V.Shilpa and https://shilpasrecitals.com/ with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.**

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Meant to be…

The real love story of the unreal 21st century !

By, Veera.

Chapter 10 Regret

Not all love stories are meant to be like Jack and Rose or Romeo and Juliet. Some stories are so unpredictable that even the legends would stumble.

And as the Alchemist says, ” And above all for his having met a women of the desert who had told him that love would never keep a man from his destiny “

I was almost 400 km away from her…. it had been 2 months since I came from Coimbatore and I must say that I had really miss my friends especially Suhail. Braga… I miss him too but Suhail was rather more close to me. Chennai had a different impact on me to be honest. The strong breeze from Marina made me indulge in a contemplation of freedom and independence. The people here were so welcoming and they inspired me to be an extrovert but I knew that I had to work on it. Traffic was hectic in a way where Damon screamed when the creepy device made a ultra-sound in The Vampire Diaries; it was noisy, annoying and tested your patience. Food, I couldn’t ever complain about that because Mom would kill me if I did and for everyone’s surprise I even learnt to cook. For starters I could do Dosa or Magie and Pasta, but soon I had learned to cook from Sambar to Tamarind broath.. from Fish Curry to Chetinad chicken. And I had even learnt to cook her favorite… Biriyani. I liked to cook anything for myself or someone whom I can trust rather than her, I had thought to myself.

” You should do anything to anyone but for her!”

my brain screams as I stand gazing at the beautiful sky of the mystifying dusk.

“Sri, where are you?”, I heard my Mum searching for me from the balcony.

“Mum you called me?”, I had rushed up quick to her before she could actually be mad at me for responding late.

“You have to drop Arathana at her tution tomorrow don’t forget that and your results will be out next week you better pray to the God that you score enough to get into SNN”, she said. I was worried about my marks because I had enough distractions when I was writing the board exams and everyone knows that. ” Results! Oh my God that means that the 10 th results might have been announced already! I ought to know her marks, she was as distracted as me during those times and she and her terrible maths brain, I really have to know her marks! “, I suddenly started to scream and my entire body was shaking. I anxiously took my phone and I suddenly became a devotee of every God out there for she must have passed, my hands started shaking and I had to redo my unlock pattern four times in my own phone because my hands were shaking.

I entered google, got on the browser… entered the webpage… and there comes the register no icon and I am like, ” Damn I don’t remember her no.” I try to remember the funny way where we both taught each other to remember each other’s number. It involved our birth dates and my bike’s number. Her birthdate is 24. and mine is 3.11 my bike’s no is 16…. she told me that I come first since I am elder then the bike came into the world and later her… so the number would be 24731116 and she warned me not to involve her Dad in this because he might rip me into pieces… and she gave me a clue that his number had something to do with Dhoni.” To my absolutely no sports-interested brain, I couldn’t think much. So I went to ask my dad but I couldn’t staright away ask him that so I figured that I had to take the long route but I couldn’t just control the urge but I started,” Dad, how are you ? You seem to retain your youth like Thitonus these days, so have you found your Aurora yet ? “, I thought a little poetry would flatter him but he blasted me instead. ” Sri, son I am going to pay lakhs to get that B.E., after your name but with your Thithhi…whatever that meant its seems like I have to spend lakhs at your therapist instead, what’s wrong with you is it the heat of chennai that has caused some stroke or something?” “Dad, I just tried to impress you with my knowledge but its okay dad let me come straight to the point now, does this guy Dhoni has any special number or something like that Dad I want that specific number.” My dad goes, ” Its 7 and please don’t introduce yourself as my son here anywhere or you will be kicked out of the house.” I was like,” Is it mandatory for every guy out there to know cricket ? I’d rather play football, I would be in Federer’s team then.” ” Federer is a tennis player my son, please get away from my sight before I kick you out”, my Dad said with the combination of grief and extreme anger because he was a sports person. I went quickly to the balcony and I thought, its 7 so I have to take away seven so its 2431116. Ah I got it and I was pretty scared because of the tripe 1 on it, the least thing that I would want her to have would be a ‘Govinda’ in her results. I entered the number and the results were loading…. my eyes were wide open, heart was pounding its 470 ! I was damn happy she got 470 its a really good mark… and what stuck in my mind was a 90 in maths! She should have worked hard for this because that girl really hated maths and maths hated her more. I was happy for her. Extremely extremely happy and I didn’t know which group she was going to enroll herself in, I wish she never chose Bio ! Because I know the trouble that could bring as I was a computer science student, I saw literally the pain of being a bio student.

And then I remembered, ” We were in no way related or important to each other anymore! Ah! I was never important to her! So I don’t have to care for her since she has someone else to do that. “I let the pain spread through my veins but I knew that one day I’ll forget or just with the extreme regret I’ll turn numb to these feelings.

Shaina’s lurking emotion

What better way to relish on the agony of a lost love than to spend it on the balcony sitting like a stone for an hour straight and staring at the sky, the magestic sky in the dusk ? It was a sweet pain I must say. ” Shaina how long are you going to stay there staring at the sky like a retarded ? Get down soon before it becomes too dark!”, shouted my Mom. I wanted to reply that, ” My entire life is too dark without him Mum” but I’d rather die myself than to be beated up to death by my Mum in her special broomstick. But what would I do ? I was in love. They say, “Everything is fair in love and war”. Have you ever wondered why? Well take it from a 16 year old, A war is the most terrible and atrocious event that takes place only because of a single person’s egoistic and selfcentred move. War never shows mercy on anyone, it will seize your life once it is destined for you to suffer in its hands. Whereas love is also the stupid act of us, we humans surrender our hearts like the fed up soldiers would do, to the enemy camps which will eventually result in the heart ache. But why do we all march to the enemy camp so desperately? It is because of the fact that everyone in this world wants that special love, care , and affection from a stranger who might at the end kill your heart. But some may end up in a magical, mysterious fairytale. And that’s why love is just like war, you never know how it happened or why it happened but all you will be sure of is that once it knocks your door, you will certainly have some wounds within you sooner or later. Its been 2 damn months since he disappeared without even telling me, like one of those vampires from that stupid series that he used to watch. I remember the days when we used to discuss the plot construction of the series and the characters. We used to take sides with the characters, I’d take Stefan’s side and he’d take Elena’s. He was fasinated by the ability of the Vampire’s eternal lifetime and so was I. Those were the times of love and care and our love was different because we never wanted any physical intimacy between us, we never needed that.

All that I wanted was for him to listen to me when I confess him how I was feeling about him but everything was futile. Because he didn’t care. He doesn’t even care about me, it would take any boy a day, just a day to get a girl’s number or info if he really wanted to. He doesn’t have any sort of concern. That was all that I could think. He knew that I was terrible at maths but he didn’t care. He knew that I was terrible at making decisions but he didn’t care to be here with me to tell me which group I should enroll myself into. Was all that fake? I can’t imagine all those sweet sweet talks being fake. That actually hurts. I bet that he was now enjoying the Marina’s breeze and the metropolitan people out there.

But I wish that the strong breeze also reminds him of the times we spent in the Brooks and in our school, those times should be feeling like the delicate blow of the west wind that passes by the feeble memories of the new-come strong hail’s emotions. It wouldn’t be that strong to overblow the new hail but I want the memories to bring at least a slightest emotional impact so that I get some sort of satisfaction….. that he was real and he felt the same too.

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© V.Shilpa and https://shilpasrecitals.com/, [2019,2020]. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to V.Shilpa and https://shilpasrecitals.com/ with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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Meant to be…

The real love story of the unreal 21st century!

By- Veera.

Chapter 9 Expectation kills

“Luck is the meeting point of an opportunity and well utilized talent. It is actually a man’s mastery over his ability“

“I wished that I could see him everyday” I used to ponder. But to hell with the schedules we just couldn’t. I had been missing his lighthouse structure, his brown lips; which appeared like as though he smoked marijuana everyday but no wonder he made me feel like I smoked it everytime I had thought about him. Those eyes, God those eyes ! Trust me they were hideous. Yeah you heard it, but to me it was the most attracting and I was fetish for his eyes I must say. The pain I get on my neck everytime raising it, to look at his face just to talk with him, it would awfully ache but I had never cared. His funny stories about his mom beating him up even at the age of 17 ! That was adorable. I had loved that part of him so much, which derived me closer to him. My last exam was social science and just couldn’t wait for it to end already. I made a plan to meet Sri after the exams got over. We had arranged a party at Suhail brother’s house and I had asked him to invite and bring Sri no matter what.

“Anna make sure he comes, we hadn’t met in a while na. Just ask him to come since it is a farewell party”

“I don’t think I can help you with that da, since his whole family is shifting to Chennai just two days before the party. Afterall, why do you want him to come? Let me know the actual reason”

“Are you serious Anna ? He never told me about this shifting. I need to tell him something Anna and I have not met him since the exams begin, so please bring him to the party and let me tell him what I need to tell him to hear”

“I’ll try my best”

I couldn’t just believe what my ears had heard. He was leaving and didn’t just care to let me know. That was terribly hurting.
After reaching out to Suhail anna, I went straight to home depressed, but didn’t cry because anger over-took the pain. Just when I needed someone to talk to, to my biggest surprise my cousin Harsha came in, to stay with me for about a week. I couldn’t ask for more. Harsha was and still is my most dearest cousin and we share every secrets and  gossips. He knew me well and I knew him too. Just after he came, without wasting a second I took him alone to a nearby restaurant in my scooty. It was always fun spending time with him though he was a year younger than me. We had reached the restaurant safely after surviving my terrible driving skills. We went to Akshaya which had been my favourite spot for biriyani in RS Puram. We had ordered two plain biriyani, one grill chicken and one manchuriyan. What better way to treat your wounded heart right ? We just went on speaking rubbish things until he had whispered to me hiding his lips with his one hand so that others wouldn’t find out,

“Are you in love?”
I was in extremely suprise.

“How do you know ? How could you sense it? Do you know him too? How did you actually know?”

I was screaming at the top of my lungs.

“Shaina, calm down! It’s in your face, that glow! Girl you have fallen strong and deep. So, who is he? Is he your classmate? One of your other cousins? Who is he? Come on now, tell me. What is he like?”

“Okay! Okay ! I’ll tell you. Now, listen he is tall, dusky , handsome to me and caring and he loves his mom and his sister and he is very responsible and funny and amazing  to be around and….”

“Okay, girl stop now. I heard enough. So you are serious about this guy, huh? How long have you known him?” 

“It’s over 3 months but we have never met personally like on a date neither have we’ve been on call for hours”

His eyes expressed doubt and uncertainty, it was evident.

“Listen Harsh” how I call him,

“I know what you are thinking, is she mad to even fall for a guy whom she doesn’t know personally? “

“No, no, I mean yes a little, but I know you and I know how stubborn you get when you want something but are you sure about this guy? When are you planning to tell him that you have fallen for him? Are you sure that he is the one because girl, I know you surely ain’t gonna marry another guy if you commit to this one. So be certain.”

“I’ll, I am”, I said with a heart full of hope and fascination.

“The problem is he is leaving the town in a week and he didn’t tell me about it, I only came to know about that from one of his friends. I have planned to tell him how I I feel about him at the party. I hope that  everything should go well”

“I am here with you I’ll help you out with this. Don’t worry but, are you sure that he is the one ? You are just 15! How can you be so sure?”

” And how old are you, 50 ? “

“Okay! If you are so sure about this let’s do this. I don’t know where this is going to end. I already picture myself getting beaten-up by Vijay uncle for helping you with this. Girl I’m gonna get you behind the bars if I die out of injuries and you both shall continue your love inside the prison”
He laughs out loud and we both enjoyed the evening. The most awaited day of my teenage life came and I was getting ready. Harsh came in, gave me a gift,

“Most special gift for my special sister on her special day!” he had said.

I hugged him in joy. It was a dark blue velvet stunning dress that he presented me and I knew that was it, what I had to wear on my big day.

“Thank you so much Harsh, will never forget this.”

“Please forget this when uncle finds out that I helped you with this guy sis”

“Ha ha. Don’t be such a baby you know you will bear some slaps for your favorite sister”

“Yeah I know! Now go get ready I’ll wait for you in the living room”

I wore the pretty dress and I did my hair just how I knew to comb it but I must say Vidya’s YouTube channel helped me with that. As soon as I got down, me and Harsh went to Suhail Anna’s house. All of the 10th and 12th graduates where there. The party was lit just like I had expected. I was pretty nervous but decided to not show it.

“You seem so nervous, Shaina don’t be. He is just a guy. He will not eat you”

“What if he just judges me with me confessing my feelings first? I am scared da. What if he rejects me ? What if he just ignores me and never talks to me after that?”

“Who said that it’s wrong for a girl to propose first? It’s pointless sis. It would only show how strong and brave you are to man up and confess how you are feeling about a guy”

“I don’t know Harsh, I feel different my heart is pounding.”

“Girl ! You know how your looks are today? To be honest, only today I see some sort of girly trait in you. You should definitely wear these kind of clothes often rather than those trousers of yours. He should be the one who gets nervous when he gets proposed by an absolutely breathtaking girl like you. What if he proposes to you today? There is no chance that he has not fallen for you, you told me that he was tall right? How tall is he?”

“Just an inch or two taller than you.”

“Perfect! Imagine, I am Sridev now, wait let me grab a rose for you”

he steals a rose from the bouquet from the nearby table, we were both laughing.

“Come, lets get to a private space.”

We both rushing to the balcony, going past the crowd.

“Shaina will you accept my true love for you? I will buy you  biriyani everyday and I will take you to Shawn Mendes concert and will gift you enormous trousers “

I couldn’t control my laughter.

“Sis, don’t laugh I’m trying so hard not to, just take the flower already!”

“Yes, yes I will; get up now ! “

I rush him, we both bursting into laughter.

“I’ll always be thankful for God to have you as my brother Harsh”

“I know Shaina, but never forget your brother after you get committed with Sridev.”

“Will never”

We smiled and then we were awaiting for his arrival but we couldn’t find him anywhere. We waited until the party was over but he had not come. I was frustrated. A week after that I got to know that he had already left to Chennai.

“He didn’t even care to say goodbye.”

I was crying my heart out lying on Harsh’s lap. He was just on his 9 th grade then, I may have been a really bad sister! High School made us crazy and some of Gautham’s movies too.

© V.Shilpa and https://shilpasrecitals.com/, [2019, 2020]. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to V.Shilpa and https://shilpasrecitals.com/ with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Meant to be…

The real love story of the unreal 21st century!

By, Veera.

Chapter 6 The shock

Shaina’s narrative

I reached home finally and I went straight to my room and was thinking about what had happened that day. Later during the dinner, I explained to my parents that I had trouble starting the scooty. And they were calming me down because I started yelling at them for buying me a DABBA scooty. We always used to have dinner while watching Tv and during the ad, I saw the SRI Udhaya Krishna ghee’s ad and I just couldn’t control my smile when I heard ‘Sri’. Later I went to bed and I was thinking, how I felt different and strange from the usual days but felt cared and armoured. I had never felt it before. I had never wanted to feel this way but right that moment I was feeling it, and it felt so damn good and I only wanted more. But what was it? Afterall why was I in extreme disillusion and dismay when he just walked past me? Trust me I never cry, the last time that I had shed my tears was when my grandpa passed. Since then I had been so strong, mentally especially. With the fear of loosing someone again, without being not so strong to deal with that, I refused…. I feared, I must admit; to be close with anyone ever again even my parents. I couldn’t just accept the fact of death, I didn’t actually understand the method of processing someone’s absence all of a sudden and I was only 15 at that time. My parents were both working. Appa was an AD and Amma was also working they both and were still working and they never had time for me that often. But whenever they did had time, it was nothing less than the heaven. I, was never satisfied with the materialistic care. My parents had a love-come arranged marriage and so I should probably be likely to have love marriage too but in the contrary, I hated it because of the love affairs that I saw around me. Those days, a boy never proposed to a girl just to literally wander with eachother labled as girlfriend or boyfriend. Whenever a boy proposed to a girl, he meant marrying her. Breakup was not a considerable option at those times. Whereas now breakup is like breakfast, it’s a necessity. Whenever things don’t go as planned, you just tend to breakup rather than working on it and fighting for the ones that you love. That’s why me, Sona and Sara we as a team decided that we would never fall for any hunk, in my case not for anyone but maybe for Shawn Mendes. But! What had happened the previous day was something that I wanted to cherish and wanted to indulge myself everyday….. But how and why would I ever want that ? I didn’t know where that was going to take me but I was liking the journey…..NO.. probably I was loving it. I had not told a word about Sridev to Sara or Sona because I didn’t know how they’d react. I was thinking,

“SRIDEV what have you done to me ? You have made me lie to my bestfriends, keep secrets from my parents and now I am laughing like a maniac when I see your name appear on Tv, What have you done to me ? ”

But I had no idea that all these stupid thoughts and conjecture were going to rip me apart one day !

For I was hating love and its game,

I thought my heart doesn’t need that kind of flame.

My brain and heart have been deceived,

Is this the consequence of the tenderness received?

I don’t think that I can escape this madness,

I have somehow become his harness,

No I don’t want to be a captive of this sweet harm;

Or is it impossible to run away from love’s seductive charm?

Sridev’s narrative

I was on high spirits since the moment she called out my name. I liked it. I loved it in a way that I was thinking about her all the time, when I was on the road, when a drunkard cussed me I smiled at him thinking about her.When my mom scolded me real bad for being late I was giggling like an idiot thinking about that weirdo. When my dad was watching Cricket which I had and have no idea about, I was freaking laughing looking at the Tv like a fool. All this was different for me but I loved it with all my heart. I just loved the feeling at that moment. But what was pestering me was the fact that I literally couldn’t see her in pain and seeing her like that gave me immense affliction. I just couldn’t take that. I was wondering why this much of care and affection and attention to this girl? I had known this girl only for about a month then. We had only met twice that too accidentally, even when we spoke we just spoke for a minute or two. I didn’t know anything about her except for her name. What had she done to me ? I’m stuck here in some kind of illusion. I couldn’t stop striking questions to myself. That day I was sure that something was wrong with myself but I just couldn’t put the finger on it….. I was thinking lying on my bed, suddenly mom had called me and she wanted to tell me something. What she said to me took me in shock. I was horrified. What she told me was, that we all were going to be shifting to Chennai because the exams were over and they want me to pursue my higher studies in Chennai. We were just 3 months away from shifting and this was a surprise to me because finally I had found something that made me want to stay in coimbatore but God’s plans!

© V.Shilpa and https://shilpasrecitals.com/, [2019,2020]. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to V.Shilpa and https://shilpasrecitals.com/ with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Meant to be…The real love story of the unreal 21st century!
By, Veera.
Chapter 5  Her Vivacity

 

Sridev ‘s narrative

I was extremely awed by her attitude. She seemed to be that girl who would never give in. But, I was a tough guy too and she didn’t have an idea. I was waiting for a chance. I wanted to go rouge with her, just to show off though. After, we were discussing about the colleges we wanted to join post the high school graduation. I knew that joining any college would not work unless you score 197 + cut off , which was in my case never even possible not even in my wildest WILDEST dreams. Forget college, I did not even know what I wanted to study but all I had in my mind was, my ownself posing for the Forbes magazine 20 years from now for the Best photographer’s campaign. Born and brought up not in a high class family, I was still worried about the future, about my part of contribution to my parents and Arathana, my sister. I wished that I could become a millionaire within a span of  3 min like the song from Suryavamsam or that TAMIL Padam. But it was not possible. Exams were nearing, tusions were tiring, classes were boring and all those Mid-term tests, Unit tests and Cycle tests were driving me crazy. I could not wait anymore to complete the exams and leave the mad-house. The fact why I was scared about the college was that, I knew that my parents had an idea of shiffting to my hometown, Trichy after my graduation but my uncle wanted me to study in Bangalore. You might understand now why I was perplexed. In Banglore, I thought I might get a good exposure since I really wanted to achieve great hights in photography. I did not know if I could reach that but, I definitly knew that Shaina was going to learn her lesson that day. My instinct said that. 

Shaina’s narrative

Me, Sara and Sona were having a FUN night. We hit the scary house, which left us horror-struck , I intended to try my hand at snow bowling but ended up regretting the whole experience since I couldn’t even lift the ball. We ate a lot in the McDonald’s and finally ended our supper with the ice cream. We girls had a habit. No matter how less we have had or high we have tucked in, we all 3 share the bill which helped a lot with maintanence of the pocket money! We finally bought the ice cream and the cridit for getting 3 vanilla-chocochips ice creams in that suffocating crowd, was given to the great Sara. We sat on the steps of Brooks, enjoying the ice cream whilst checking out guys which was decent in our terms and being in love was a betrayal to the parents and a deadly sin. I remember breaking up many of my friends who were committed. Me, Sara and Sona were dead against love and couples. Whenever we saw a couple in a road or a shopping mall, we three would just shout at them saying,

‘We hate couples’.

We all three were extremely naughty kids but the best part was, no one caught could us commiting it. To the family and our parents we were the SATI SAVATRI types. But only we knew how evil we could be. It was almost half past seven which was only half an hour before our curfew and so we rushed to take back our vehicles. I had been driving since my 5th grade and Sona also drives two wheeler while Sara didn’t. We used to mock Sara for not knowing to drive any automoblie and not even cycle! I was mocking sara that her scooty would not start as usual and we all burst into laughter. When we 3 finally pushed the vehicles out of the parking lot, we could not control our laughter, Sara started her scooty and it started with the first try and now it was my turn and when I casually clicked the self-start….it didn’t get ignited ! I was shocked and the girls could not control their laughter. We were doing as much as we could and as much as we knew to start the scooty but nothing worked. A minute after, Sara’s parents called to make her reach home soon. Then I asked Sona to drop Sara and I promised the girls that I’d be okay and that I’d manage. But I was horrified inside. I tried kick-starting it but I couldn’t just make it. It was 8 PM already and I was worried about the fact how I was going to make it home all by myself that too at that time, which was almost way past my curfew. I thought about seeking help but I was so scared to ask for help because I knew none of the men who passed by me. I looked at the rear mirror and thought to myself how stupid I had been to let those creeps go away, whilst I was standing there helpless. I was just berating myself for being helpless. Suddenly, I saw another face in the rear mirror. He might help me with this, my brain had an assumption that my help has arrived. It’s none other than Sridev. He was also pushing his bike towards the gate from the parking lot.  I was staring at his bike, Yamaha RX100 for a second; and I realised that I needed help. I knew that he wouldn’t help me easily because we had a huge attitude clash on the same day. I was like

” Anna I nee..”

right to his face but he just went past me. I didn’t know why I didn’t know how, the moment he went past, ignoring me; a tear rolled down my cheek with my head facing the ground. I thought that, I was extremely devastated at that moment.

 

Sridev’s narrative

Me and my friends finally decided to reach home and we were about to reach the gate from the parking lot. I saw her standing with her scooty, had trouble starting it probably. I could see the panic and extreme fright in her eyes. I guess she was helpless, she was taping her feet to the ground, biting the nails. When she saw me, she had a sense of repose in her face, it was like as though she has been finally out of some kind of hysteria. But, my ego did not let me help her. When she literally approached me for succour, I just turned away and moved past her. I had felt extremely shoddy about myself then. I was still pushing my bike, nearing the gate I saw her face in the rear mirror. The moment I saw the tears from her eyes, my heart felt heavy, with a heavyness in my all 4 chambers, my eyes were filled with tears too.

“Seeing her in pain,
          my eyes became teary.

Is this the agony of love?
          It is making me weary.

None can escape- the game of cupid.

One who wishes to skip it,
           must be a stupid.

Because only love,
          can make you feel splendid”

I could not take the fact that she cried because of me. I left my bike casted aside and quickly went to her, she was weeping; I asked her what the issue was. She replied in a delicate voice that the self start didn’t work. Cautiously hiding my tears, I asked her where the choke was and she pointed to the choke with the hand, that still had the tears on it. What she pointed to was the charger point and not the choke. And I couldn’t have guessed better than then, how much of an absolute dumbass she was. A minute after, she stopped weeping since she was relieved and so was I! I kicked the kicker but it didn’t start, twice , thrice, 7 th time it didn’t start. I was nearing my ego-hurting phase then because, if I did not start this thing right away, I would have felt like an absolute idiot for being a loser. 10th time, I hit the kicker with my absolute potential and it got ignited! I was happy and she was happy too. I gave the scooty to her and walked past now, with a sense of gratification. When I was about to go, I went to her again asking if she can go alone because it was 8.30 pm already. She said that she will manage but she didn’t say that wholeheartedly. I thought she might hesitate to ask a boy to help her get home safely, afterall we were still strangers to eachother. I left her and walked away only because her apartment was 10 mins away from this place yet, I was scared inside if she would reach home safely. And so, I followed her throughout the way but I tried as much as to make sure she didn’t know. She had the worst driving skills, she might have hit a car, skidded with a bike and hit a poor old granny who was having her daily walk in the pavement. Phew ! Finally she reached her house which was near the May flower apartment. She went in, parked the scooty and closed the gate and she left, switching ‘on’ the compound wall light. I was feeling content and when I turned my bike, I looked at there mirror to adjust my hair. Suddenly I saw her face in the mirror, she came out of the house and smiled at me shouting,

“Thank you Sri”

with a huge smile plastered to her face. I smiled at her too and went away. I didn’t know how she figured me following her. Anyways I was then happy knowing that I was the reason for her smile.

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© V.Shilpa and https://shilpasrecitals.com/, [2019, 2020]. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to V.Shilpa and https://shilpasrecitals.com/ with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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